Most of those who have heard this depiction have thought it over-zealously bizarre if not downright clever and amusing. I would have to agree with them. And so, I have decided to sketch out the details on this forsaken blog my composition of the future. Of course, this is detailed so I might cut my posts into sections for those of you who like to be illiterately unable to read more than a few sentences before giving up on a post. How busy and impatient the world seems to be.
Anywhoo…
First off, the idea of being the neighborhood’s Crazy Old Witch Lady is too juicy to pass up, not to mention it would most likely become the prime rumor about my strange lifestyle and attributes.
Imagine, if you will- a quaint red, green, purple, and orange
Victorian cottage on the end of the block.It’s structure is adorned with all manner of spiffy trinkets known to mankind, and though every window is draped with thick velvet curtains of every shape and color, the outside porch also receives an array of fabric.
The front doors are large and wooden and carved unprofessionally by its owner. Any specter can also see that whoever the master of this house is; they get sidetrack easily as only one of these doors is partially finished.It is important to note the sign above the door says "PEACE TO ALL WHO ENTER HERE" followed along by a plaque to the side of the door saying "A Thousand Welcomes"
Yet the floorboards before the entrance have a painted trap door with the words "Salesman step here" and two signs in the window reading "Due to mad cow disease, the hounds have been deprived and are hungry." and "Upon entering please note: Your day is about to be interrupted with sudden moments of Cerebral Chaos. Enjoy!"The grounds surrounding this house are kept clean and immaculate, yet the garden seems almost purposefully wild.
Vines, living and dead stretch upward along the walls of the house in an elegant design of savagery and the moss eaten stone pathway laying in the shadows of oak trees; looking as if they were placed in such an awkward way as to give off the impression of being able to trap a victim in its entangling limbs. All of this is of course, complete with a dilapidated iron cast fence.
The backyard has only three differences to the front- a larger garden, large hedges, and a old wooden table adorned with glued on tableware. Glued on? Yup. Candlesticks line the table as well; the candle wax from old used candles sprawled everywhere.
As for the back door- it is complete with the welcome mat:
Think the house is unique? The owner of this house makes this building dismally average in comparison. Can’t wait to meet her? Too bad! My easily distracted nature is kicking in! It was hard not to include all of the minor little details in this- such as the yards oak tree's with its carved-on faces, and the old front yard bathtub with flowers sprouting from it. But I am clever enough to include them.So long folks! Until next time- don’t pet piranhas.
